Oh, Hello There! I’m Back.

8 Aug

I’m back, ladies and gents. After many months of silence, I’m back.

Return of the…. Beez?

I am currently living in the amazing city of Omaha, Nebraska where I’ll be finishing my IO Psychology PhD journey. Here, I’ll be working on amazing psych projects with creativity and robots. That’s right – mother effin’ robots.

Close enough.

I already have too many things to talk about for one post: my adventure in a multi-ton death trap, driving 18 hours from Buffalo to my new home in Omaha, couch surfing for over a month, making new, interesting, and wholesome friends, teaching a class all by my big-girl self, meeting a really great gentleman on the Internet (I know, I know – gimme a break). The best part is that I don’t remember the last time that I was this genuinely happy. Just beaming and radiating positivity about my future. I cannot explain in words how empowered I feel by all of the opportunities that I have here. Even better, I actually feel like writing again. I can say, without a shadow of a doubt, that I would not wish my life any other way. Well, a bushel of $100 bills would be nice.

I was born in the wrong state. I love Nebraska. It’s my new home.

More like, “The GREAT Life”


Monday Music Moment – I Miss Philly Edition: “Heart It Races” by Dr. Dog

25 Mar


The past few days have suuuucked regarding the amount of work I have to get done. However, I shouldn’t be surprised: I’m a first-year PhD student. It’s not supposed to be fun. However, I only have to go through 1 “first year”. I have to keep reminding myself that….

Anyway, I’ve been missing Philly ever since I came back from my impromptu trip a couple weeks ago. Dr. Dog is a Philly-native band and this particular song just gets me in the mood for Spring – even though that groundhog is a dirty liar. I am no longer taking meteorological advice from a rodent. Look out, Punxsutawney Phil. You might not have a job for much longer.


Have a kick-@$$ Monday, everyone!


18 Mar

Well said.

Thought Catalog

Such a wonderful thing it is, to be chased. To be adored and flattered and most certainly wanted. It is, after all, why we don’t mind when our phones beep and vibrate, letting us know that someone we not so certainly want wants us. But we keep them around because we don’t want it to stop—because that flattery is like a good scotch we want to nurse for a while. Or, at least, until we get sick of it and want to switch to gin.

I’ve been there before—holding on to something I didn’t really want just in case I decided I wanted it. Completely unwilling to cut things off for fear I’d want them again, selfishly holding on because, well, the attention is always satisfying. I’ve played and toyed with someone else’s feelings knowingly aware of the pain I’d be causing but choosing to ignore the reality. And then…

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Stuck in an Internet K-Hole

18 Mar
Screen shot 2013-03-18 at 9.32.07 PM

Thanks, urbandictionary.com

When I work on a paper / presentation / thoroughly detailed outline of the next 5 years of my life, I go to my favorite coffee shop. There’s something about that atmosphere that just makes me feel productive. I see all of the other diligent, hipster-y looking individuals tip-tap-typing away on their MacBooks, looking to make a huge impact on their field. Or maybe just scrape by to finish the class they hate. Unclear.

I buy a jade tea: 1. because it’s delicious when you add just the right amount of honey. 2. because if I drink anymore coffee, my heart might burst within my chest cavity. I wish I was being hyperbolic. I think half of all the cups of coffee I’ve imbibed in my lifetime have been in the city of Buffalo – and I’ve only lived here for 7 months.

The only problem with this tea is that when they hand it to me in the artfully crafted ceramic mug, it is roughly the temperature of the sun, so I can’t drink it right away. Of course, I don’t have to start working right away, because I want to wait for my tea to cool down. I can’t embark upon this academic adventure if my tea isn’t ready to go. I can’t leave it behind, so I start on Facebook. After perusing the pictures, jokes, videos, and general quirky Internet presence of my friends, I find a link to an online article, and I remember that my Google Reader is full. I should go empty it. Even if I don’t read through every article in there, I love the feeling of a clean inbox. One of the articles reminds me that I haven’t checked Reddit yet today. Haha, Grumpy Cat memes. Memes, memes, and more memes.Wait, we just had a major holiday, so there are bound to be millions of photos uploaded to Instagram. Each one telling a story of how drunk someone was, how delicious their food was, how adorable their pet is, and how much they love selecting filters (ProTip: everyone looks great in Earlybird). How many likes did my photo get? Did anyone comment on my photo? Who is this person? Ohmyblog their nail art is amazing! I totally have gold glitter nail polish. Maybe I should go home and paint my nails like that. I’m not home? Oh, I’m at the coffee shop.

Hold on – what time is it?

Dammit! I just spent 3 hours browsing the Internet. That’s 3 hours that I’m going to have to stay up later to write this dumb paper.

Ugh! Every time, Internet. You get me every time.

And now, my tea is cold.

Just In Case

17 Mar


I met you at my favorite place to do work. It’s where all the people similar to me hang out, which is probably why I’ve made so many friends there. I’ve been to the other locations that they have, but I always saw you there: working diligently, alone, not paying attention to the slew of people like us.

And then, I spoke to you. You were funny, intelligent, engaging, yet aloof. Nerdy. That was my favorite part.

We talked for hours. About anything. Somehow, we shared the same views on almost anything – except for being connected to the world. I talk, text, chat, Facebook, tweet, Instagram, blog, carrier pigeon, etc. Constantly connected to the ones I love, people of interest, news, things to make me laugh. And you can’t figure out why people can’t wait for a response from you when you feel like it. It didn’t make sense, because you were so easy to talk to.

I loved when I talked to you at my favorite work place. I would get there early and finish as much work as I could, just in case you came in and we got to talking. For hours. I would make sure my hair looked just right, just in case I saw you there. I remembered to think about myself a little more – taking time out of my day to de-stress, put on makeup, do my hair, knock out my to-do list. I got a lot of stuff done and out of the way, just in case I saw you.

What I didn’t prepare for was for you to be a less-than-kind friend. I almost feel like you’re trying to sabotage our friendship. I deserve better than waiting for you endlessly, because you’re busy. I get it, I’m busy too, but I can take 30 seconds out of my day to let someone know if I’m not going to hang out when I said earlier that I would like to. I’m not in to burning bridges, just in case.

I know I shouldn’t, but I’d really like to hang out with you again. I know you’re a conflict-avoider, but chatting with you would just be the greatest thing. Even if you were the one to create the easily-avoidable conflict. Don’t avoid the place where we do work, just in case I happen to be there. I want to keep you around for a while, pick your brain, hear about your life and stories and random thoughts that you have. I’ll still listen. I’ll still care. Just in case you do too. Just in case.

Reasons Why I Loved / Cried While Watching “Silver Linings Playbook”

12 Mar

If you have not seen this movie, you really should. I wanted to see it as soon as I saw a trailer for it, yet I hadn’t gotten the opportunity to until today. Yes, I took a mental-health-vacation of 2 hours out of my PhD-crazy day to go to a matinée showing. By myself. It was amazing.

I snuck in a scone, a peanut butter cookie, and a medium coffee from my favorite coffee shop (yes, I was totally undetected. To be fair, it was 1pm on a Tuesday, so…) and sat myself down in the back of the theater. 2 hours of no phone, no internet, and a whole lot of Bradley Cooper. He’s only among the reasons for my strong desire to see this Oscar-nominated flick.

So, here goes my list, in no particular order (I’ll try not to give away any spoilers):

  1. As mentioned before: Bradley Cooper. ::swoon::
  2. Robert DeNiro cries. Yes, cries. And it is incredibly touching.
  3. They address different forms of mental illness, which hits home with some of the experiences that I’ve had. In the movie, Bradley Cooper’s character suffers from bipolar disorder (mood swings and delusions while under intense stress), Jennifer Lawrence’s character is a sex addict, and Robert DeNiro’s character has OCD (rituals, superstitions, and the like). The characters were so believable and you just wanted to reach out and hug them.
  4. Watching Chris Tucker teach Bradley Cooper how to dance is hilarious.
  5. “It can still be a date if you order Raisin Bran.”
  6. I’ve been to many of the places they go to in the movie. I used to live right up the street from the diner they go to on Halloween and I used to pass by the school where the characters worked all the time while I took the train in to the city. It made me miss Philadelphia a lot.
  7. When they pass by the movie theater on Halloween, the horror movie that is playing is “Midnight Meat Train”, which my sister told me about many moons ago, starring Bradley Cooper. It got decent reviews from the big-wigs, but most people who tell me they’ve seen it say it was a “train wreck.” I’m sorry I’m not sorry for that pun.
  8. They gave me a really quick synopsis of Hemingway’s “A Farewell To Arms”. I’ve been meaning to read it, but OB articles take up most of my time. The fact that I found time to write this blog post is slightly astounding.
  9. The therapist was a really nice guy. Not like one of those, “Tell me how that makes you feeeeeel…” or “If you read my book, I discuss all about …” types. He was real. I would like him to be my shrink.
  10. Jennifer Lawrence is TheBomb.com. Plain and simple.

So there you have it. Have you seen Silver Linings Playbook? Did you love it as much as I did? Or did you want to spoon your eyeballs out with a melon baller?


My Time on the “Meat Market”

11 Mar

Caution: I’m a twentysomething.

Dating in Buffalo is one of the most, um, interesting adventures I have ever undertaken. It’s fairly difficult to meet people who aren’t in my PhD program. I’ve always been wary of intra-department dating and the others in my program have become like a little family for me. I don’t wanna date the guy who has basically become my older brother. My friends have raved about online dating and so I thought I would give it a whirl.

I joined Match.com in October, hoping to meet an interesting person who pretty much has their sh*t together. However, that seems to be a rarity here.

Seems reasonable…

Here are some of the main experiences I’ve had while navigating the online dating world.

Disclaimer: The names have been changed to protect the innocent, or guilty, or whatever.

“Stove”, was a very kind gentleman with whom I went on a breakfast date. We shared a lot of the same interests and he was also in grad school – a Masters program in counseling. We didn’t end up clicking, partly due to the fact that he started talking about how his uncle used to piss in the sinks at pro hockey games. Why that came up, I don’t even remember.

“Walt” was a high school chemistry teacher. I, of course, immediately asked him if he had seen Breaking Bad – one of my favorite tv shows – and if he also cooked meth. Despite the awkward laughter and close-to-home pop culture reference, we went on a few dates. He was really nice and very interesting. He was one of the only people who actually called me (yes, a phone call and not a poorly auto-corrected text message) to ask me on our dates. After the start of the new year, “Walt” never called me again. I was disappointed, but then again, this is online dating.

Around that same time, (if you’re familiar with the HBO series “Girls”) I had an Adam-like character who treated “my heart like it’s monkey meat.”

Can you tell I’m obsessed with this show?

He didn’t want to be in a relationship, but had no problem calling me up when he was looking for company. He text-message-broke-up with me (which doesn’t even make sense because he made it clear that he didn’t want to be my boyfriend) the day after Christmas. Charming. Surprisingly, we’ve been able to become friendly with one another because we share the same friendship circle. It’s not as awkward anymore as one might think. I think it’s because I’m turning into an adult.

Amid the creepy 50-year-old guys messaging me and the other messages I received that I would be embarrassed to show my mother, I decided to take a permanent hiatus from Match. It hasn’t been all bad. The stories I’ve come out with almost make the membership fee worth it.

I couldn’t finish a post like this without a little humor.

Here are the best snippets I’ve found from other people’s profiles:

  • “I’m the least of a dying bread.”  – Either you’re a terrible baker, or you need to proofread.
  • “Celery is a terrible vegetable.” – I appreciate your candor. I also feel the same about celery.
  • “I love a good tractor pull.” – Well, this IS Western NY.
  • “Last book I read: 50 Shades of Gray” – Yes, some men are willing to admit to this. I found one.

Have you ever had any “interesting” dating stories? Internet or in person?

Don’t Worry – I’m Still Here

9 Jan

I know, I know. I’ve been totally MIA for the beginning of this year. But if you had the flu and a broken ankle – at the same time – you would have done the same.

At first I felt sorry for myself after breaking my leg. Not because of how I did it (because that is a HILARIOUS story – that’ll be for another post) but rather due to the crippling (pun intended) loss of autonomy I’ve experienced.

I can’t walk normally, nor drive myself anywhere – which is a huge pain in the butt. I have to depend on others’ kindness and availability to get to where I need to go. I’ve always been fairly independent and stubborn, and asking people for rides seems trivial to the average person, but for me, it’s like moving a mountain. Walking is the worst. I have to use crutches to get around, which hurt like the fire of a thousand suns. I realized that I’m taking pain killers, not for my leg, but for the pain that accompanies the use of crutches. I just want to use both of my legs again. I just want to use my leg.

Also, as I mentioned before, I’ve had the flu since the beginning of this month. Did I get the flu shot? No. Why? Because I’m a busy and forgetful idiot. I end up running around trying to do everything I can in the short amount of time that I have in each day, and end up neglecting my health – except for the amazing amount of vitamins I take every day. The one-two punch of a broken bone and the flu really took a toll on me. I cried a few days wondering why the universe wouldn’t let me deal with one major issue at a time.

However, in true Beezy form, I’ve discovered the ways that this has been a weird blessing. Sometimes, I’m so optimistic, it’s gross. I’ve actually had to force myself to slow down and take some time for myself. I take extra time getting ready in the morning (because I have to) and actually enjoy it. I’m forced to plan out my week ahead of time so I’m not rushing around. It’s been pretty ok.

Also, as with every new year, my goal is to get back into shape. I did a really great job this summer, but with a new grad school experience, I was unable to dedicate as much time as I wanted to my personal fitness. Using the crutches has actually done wonders for my upper body strength and my core – two areas I’ve wanted to focus on. I’ve been more conscious of the foods I choose to eat, and I’m not drinking as much. Double whammy there.

I have 3 more weeks to go in my stellar, neon, green cast and I can’t wait to get this sucker off. However, with my renewed sense of patience, it doesn’t seem like an eternity. Even though I started off this year with a not-so-strong hand dealt to me, I still think that 2013 will, in fact, be The Year of Beezy.

More on my life to come very soon, my friends.

Don’t Worry, I’m Still Here / Blessing in Disguise

9 Jan

Tuesday Tunes: “Boy” by Ra Ra Riot

11 Dec

In an effort to keep my sanity during the final push of the semester – and also because I am a serial procrastinator with writing papers – my friend Amy and I are going to see Ra Ra Riot tomorrow night at Mohawk Place. This will be my very first concert in Buffalo! It seems like they have a lot of good bands come to this or the surrounding area (we’re right near Toronto and Rochester – bonus!). In February, I’m going with the Buffalo crew to see Passion Pit and Matt & Kim in Toronto. Pinch me – I think I’m dreaming.

I’m super stoked!

And now, for your listening enjoyment: