How to Spot a “Bro”

13 Jul
  1. Wears a baseball cap – sideways.
  2. Has a soul patch.
  3. Wears shower shoes out.
  4. Says “sick” and “dog” – never actually referring to an ill canine.
  5. Has an apartment that smells like appetizers and looks like he’s squatting in a vacant Bennigan’s.
  6. Can reach his mini-fridge from his futon.
  7. Has a futon – as a bed and a couch.
  8. Uses a fluorescent beer sign as a reading lamp.
  9. Owns more v-neck t-shirts than you do.
  10. Wears an entire can of Axe every day.
  11. Adds “izzle” or “iznit” to any word.
  12. Is constantly shirtless.
  13. Plays “LAX”.
  14. Uses “gay” as an insult.
  15. Are constantly “GTL”-ing.
  16. Constantly tries to find a reason to flex.
  17. Pops his collar.
  18. Seriously replaces parts of real words with the word “bro” (i.e. Broseph, brobot, Brohemian Rhapsody, brotato chip, Brocahontas, Brobi Wan Kenobi, bro mitzvah,…you get the idea).

According to this article, if you go to any of these schools, you’re exponentially more likely to encounter a bro. If you do, don’t be worried. Just point and yell, “Dude! LAX, beer, and sluts!” and run in the opposite direction.


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