A Trip to Target, or Why I Should Not Be Allowed to Shop By Myself

13 Aug

Have you ever felt accomplished after going to a store – any store – and coming out with what you went in for? Nothing more, nothing less. It’s a really great feeling. It’s especially rewarding for me because I swear I have undiagnosed ADD. Ok, maybe not, but you’ll see where I’m going with this.

I went for a run on Saturday morning. The weather could not have been more perfect – low humidity, low to mid-seventies, partly cloudy so the sun wasn’t totally destroying my freakishly pale skin. Everything I could have wanted in a day to go running, this was the day. I drove to the park I’ve been in before – it’s a cute little park and I found out they have a doggy training camp there on Saturday mornings! After my run, I thought I would run a few errands. Yeah, I was a little gross from running, but I figured no one would care that I didn’t look like an elegant duchess. I was only going to be in the store for 5 minutes, right?  I was wrong.

I stumbled upon a Target and thought, “You know what? I’m running low on vitamins, I need a new car charger because my other one broke, and I’ve been trying to find a cute saddle-type bag for my new bicycle. Those are the three things on my list: vitamins, car charger, and bike bag.” I proudly marched into Target with my mantra, “Vitamins, car charger, bike bag.”

First stop, pharmacy. I found what I was looking for (I swear I need a representative from the FDA to follow me around when I take vitamins. I’m pretty sure every letter of the alphabet that has a vitamin is accounted for in my blood stream. I don’t remember the last time I was sick, so there’s that.) and moved onto electronics. Of course, I saw a cool clock with a handlebar mustache, an owl kitchen timer (“You don’t need that, Beezy”), and some cute picture frames. I love picture frames. I love taking pictures and displaying them in my home or office setting. Man, when I get to Buffalo, I’m going to decorate the SH*T out of my apartment. I’m going to come home to something that’s been ripped out of a catalog. Maybe I should get some new towels? Mine are getting old and losing their ‘fluff’. Maybe I should wait and see what my new bathroom looks like. Ooo! Here’s a book that gives your horoscope based on your name. I bet they don’t have my name. HOLY SH*T THEY HAVE MY NAME! Here’s another book that gives your horoscope based on your birthday. Oh that’s cute.

Crap. Car charger.

I keep strolling through the aisles and find the car charger I’m looking for. Score. 2 out of 3 down.

Next to electronics was the book section. I won’t have time to read in a few weeks, so I might as well cram some good reading in. 50 Shades of Grey? A big resounding “no thank you” crossed my lips.  I came across “The 4 Hour Body” by Tim Ferriss. I watched a documentary on a day in his life not too long ago (aptly named “A Day in the Life”. It’s on Hulu, if you’re interested.). He seems a little conceited, but not too bad of a guy. He seemed like he knows what he’s talking about. I can skim his book while I’m in this aisle. Not bad. Hmm… maybe I’ll make some time to read some of the sections if I buy this book.

Ugh. Bike bag.

I make my way toward the sporting goods section and oh my goodness! That dress is so cute. And it’s on sale. Nah – I don’t know where I’d wear it. ::Sigh:: I wish I could wear hats. These hats are all so adorable, but I look really goofy in hats. Luckily, I found out I look decent in a rockabilly-type bandanna headband, so I know I’ll be going as Rosie the Riveter for Halloween this year. I should probably start looking for an outfit for that – you know, just to be prepared. I already have bright red lipstick that I look really good in. You can’t see her pants in the photo. Does she wear pants? Of course she wears pants. I should start doing push-ups to look as strong as her. I can’t wait for fall. Hmm… the bags this season aren’t as cute as some other ones I’ve seen. I’ll have to look online for a new messenger bag for PhD school. My other one is starting to come apart.

GD it! Bike bag!

I make my way toward the sporting goods section (again) and find a bike bell and front and rear lights for my bike. Yes! I’ve been looking for these! However, after 10 minutes of scouring the aisles to no avail, I end my quest for my bike bag. I think I’m just going to get a basket instead.

via xkcd.com


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: