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18 Mar

Well said.

Thought Catalog

Such a wonderful thing it is, to be chased. To be adored and flattered and most certainly wanted. It is, after all, why we don’t mind when our phones beep and vibrate, letting us know that someone we not so certainly want wants us. But we keep them around because we don’t want it to stop—because that flattery is like a good scotch we want to nurse for a while. Or, at least, until we get sick of it and want to switch to gin.

I’ve been there before—holding on to something I didn’t really want just in case I decided I wanted it. Completely unwilling to cut things off for fear I’d want them again, selfishly holding on because, well, the attention is always satisfying. I’ve played and toyed with someone else’s feelings knowingly aware of the pain I’d be causing but choosing to ignore the reality. And then…

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Don’t Worry – I’m Still Here

9 Jan

I know, I know. I’ve been totally MIA for the beginning of this year. But if you had the flu and a broken ankle – at the same time – you would have done the same.

At first I felt sorry for myself after breaking my leg. Not because of how I did it (because that is a HILARIOUS story – that’ll be for another post) but rather due to the crippling (pun intended) loss of autonomy I’ve experienced.

I can’t walk normally, nor drive myself anywhere – which is a huge pain in the butt. I have to depend on others’ kindness and availability to get to where I need to go. I’ve always been fairly independent and stubborn, and asking people for rides seems trivial to the average person, but for me, it’s like moving a mountain. Walking is the worst. I have to use crutches to get around, which hurt like the fire of a thousand suns. I realized that I’m taking pain killers, not for my leg, but for the pain that accompanies the use of crutches. I just want to use both of my legs again. I just want to use my leg.

Also, as I mentioned before, I’ve had the flu since the beginning of this month. Did I get the flu shot? No. Why? Because I’m a busy and forgetful idiot. I end up running around trying to do everything I can in the short amount of time that I have in each day, and end up neglecting my health – except for the amazing amount of vitamins I take every day. The one-two punch of a broken bone and the flu really took a toll on me. I cried a few days wondering why the universe wouldn’t let me deal with one major issue at a time.

However, in true Beezy form, I’ve discovered the ways that this has been a weird blessing. Sometimes, I’m so optimistic, it’s gross. I’ve actually had to force myself to slow down and take some time for myself. I take extra time getting ready in the morning (because I have to) and actually enjoy it. I’m forced to plan out my week ahead of time so I’m not rushing around. It’s been pretty ok.

Also, as with every new year, my goal is to get back into shape. I did a really great job this summer, but with a new grad school experience, I was unable to dedicate as much time as I wanted to my personal fitness. Using the crutches has actually done wonders for my upper body strength and my core – two areas I’ve wanted to focus on. I’ve been more conscious of the foods I choose to eat, and I’m not drinking as much. Double whammy there.

I have 3 more weeks to go in my stellar, neon, green cast and I can’t wait to get this sucker off. However, with my renewed sense of patience, it doesn’t seem like an eternity. Even though I started off this year with a not-so-strong hand dealt to me, I still think that 2013 will, in fact, be The Year of Beezy.

More on my life to come very soon, my friends.

31 Oct
25 Oct

#21 is the best feeling – ever.

12 Oct

I’ve been flannelshammed one too many times…

25 Sep
30 Aug
20 Aug

Fall is such a great season 🙂

Just a Blog in the Park

8 Aug

I’m currently sitting in my car in a park near my apartment in Ohio. Why? Why not!?

Okay, so I do really have a reason.

If you remember my earlier posts, I’m effin’ tired. Ironically enough, I’m having trouble sleeping. My mind has been running around like Usain Bolt, which is gold-medal speed (Woohoo! Olympics reference!).

Whenever I have stuff on my mind, driving around is always a good cure, and somehow I ended up in this park listening to the Foo Fighters. Thank goodness it’s not One Direction – that could have gotten ugly. I’ll let you in on what I’ve been lamenting over: I don’t want this to end. I knew going into everything that I had a limited amount of time to enjoy every possible adventure that I could. Knowing that the end is near makes me crazy.

That’s all I really want to say until I can figure everything out, but I’ll keep you updated.

On the bright side, it’s not ending tomorrow. I’m gonna “carpe diem” the sh*t out of the time I have left.

One day at a time.

7 Aug

2012 has been one of my favorite years so far 🙂