Tag Archives: meat market

My Time on the “Meat Market”

11 Mar

Caution: I’m a twentysomething.

Dating in Buffalo is one of the most, um, interesting adventures I have ever undertaken. It’s fairly difficult to meet people who aren’t in my PhD program. I’ve always been wary of intra-department dating and the others in my program have become like a little family for me. I don’t wanna date the guy who has basically become my older brother. My friends have raved about online dating and so I thought I would give it a whirl.

I joined Match.com in October, hoping to meet an interesting person who pretty much has their sh*t together. However, that seems to be a rarity here.

Seems reasonable…

Here are some of the main experiences I’ve had while navigating the online dating world.

Disclaimer: The names have been changed to protect the innocent, or guilty, or whatever.

“Stove”, was a very kind gentleman with whom I went on a breakfast date. We shared a lot of the same interests and he was also in grad school – a Masters program in counseling. We didn’t end up clicking, partly due to the fact that he started talking about how his uncle used to piss in the sinks at pro hockey games. Why that came up, I don’t even remember.

“Walt” was a high school chemistry teacher. I, of course, immediately asked him if he had seen Breaking Bad – one of my favorite tv shows – and if he also cooked meth. Despite the awkward laughter and close-to-home pop culture reference, we went on a few dates. He was really nice and very interesting. He was one of the only people who actually called me (yes, a phone call and not a poorly auto-corrected text message) to ask me on our dates. After the start of the new year, “Walt” never called me again. I was disappointed, but then again, this is online dating.

Around that same time, (if you’re familiar with the HBO series “Girls”) I had an Adam-like character who treated “my heart like it’s monkey meat.”

Can you tell I’m obsessed with this show?

He didn’t want to be in a relationship, but had no problem calling me up when he was looking for company. He text-message-broke-up with me (which doesn’t even make sense because he made it clear that he didn’t want to be my boyfriend) the day after Christmas. Charming. Surprisingly, we’ve been able to become friendly with one another because we share the same friendship circle. It’s not as awkward anymore as one might think. I think it’s because I’m turning into an adult.

Amid the creepy 50-year-old guys messaging me and the other messages I received that I would be embarrassed to show my mother, I decided to take a permanent hiatus from Match. It hasn’t been all bad. The stories I’ve come out with almost make the membership fee worth it.

I couldn’t finish a post like this without a little humor.

Here are the best snippets I’ve found from other people’s profiles:

  • “I’m the least of a dying bread.”  – Either you’re a terrible baker, or you need to proofread.
  • “Celery is a terrible vegetable.” – I appreciate your candor. I also feel the same about celery.
  • “I love a good tractor pull.” – Well, this IS Western NY.
  • “Last book I read: 50 Shades of Gray” – Yes, some men are willing to admit to this. I found one.

Have you ever had any “interesting” dating stories? Internet or in person?

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